Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and based on the thousands of people who flock to Costa de Sol beaches every day, there’s a lot of beauty to be found on the playas of southern Spain. This beach (pictured) is called Playa-Balneario Nuestra Señora del Carmen (Beach Spa of Our Lady of Carmen) but everyone just calls it Baños del Carmen – the Baths of Carmen.  It’s only about 60m long, wedged against a coastal road and the rocky headland which conveniently accommodates a white-walled, terraced restaurant call El Balneario (The Spa).

For my Queensland friends, who look at this beach picture with a superior smirk, I give you the top 20 reasons why the beaches (las playas) on the Costa del Sol are better than those in Queensland:

1. You won’t get a spinal injury from being dumped by a wave onto a sandbank
2. You won’t get caught in a rip current that carries you halfway to New Zealand
3. Save time, as there’s no need to check the surf report, wind conditions, swell height, or tide times before a day at the beach
4. No need to dodge surf skis, surf boats, surfers etc when you are body surfing
5. No surf, so need to body surf
6. No need to know or follow the surfing etiquette rules
7. You won’t get a fin chop after being run over by a novice surfer
8. There’s no fine, microscopic sand to get in between the layers of your togs / swimmers. Those big ol’ bits of shell grit just don’t fit through the fabric.
9. You won’t be distracted by good looking, bronzed surf athletes just casually training in front of you
10. You won’t get bitten by a shark, nor think every shadow in the water is a shark
11. You won’t emerge from the water with two metres of bluebottle tentacles wrapped around your torso
12. You won’t die from the sting of an Irukandji jellyfish
13. No need to worry about stingrays, or being pierced through the heart with its tail
14. There’s mobile phone coverage on every single beach
15. The ratio of budgie smugglers is suitably low, often non-existent
16. You won’t be blinded by the glare of the sun coming off the white sand
17. You can rent a beach bed, cabana and fringed umbrella
18. There’s a restaurant or bar (or both) on the sand, every 150m or so
19. No need to swim around the surf lifesaving buoys, just because they’re there (because they’re not)
20. An early morning swim on a deserted beach can take place any time before 10am

The restaurant adjoining la playa is called El Balneario (The Spa) and it’s been there since 1918.  When we were last in Malaga, four years ago, we walked past the deserted water-front terraces, the restaurant closed and shuttered in the dead of winter. We agreed this would be an awesome place to come for lunch, and we were right! It was awesome.

We arrived at El Balneario about 2pm on Saturday after catching a local bus from the centre of Malaga.  The tables on the terrace were dressed in snowy white tablecloths, set for large groups. We had no reservation, so there was much scowling as our waiter found a table for us.  The view of the playa was framed between white columns and sun umbrellas, while to the left, the sea splashed against the walled edges, sending occasional sprays of salt water into the air.

A large hen’s party, Spanish, were seated near us, all dressed in white, save for the bride, in yellow. The Spanish women are easy to spot, with their long, dark hair, hand-held fans and effortless elegance.

Until now, I had always thought that the Spanish hand-held fan was the exclusive domain of flamenco dancers and cheap tourist shops. I was wrong. Almost without exception, the Spanish women held brightly coloured fans, swishing the hot air around the terrace. ‘I think the tables are about to take off’, Rosco comments as the fans flutter like the synchronised wings of brightly colour butterflies.

Not to be left out, guess what I went out and bought the very next day?  A bright red hand-held fan. I really need to work on my technique as I have all the elegance of a wood-chopper at the moment!

The restaurant terrace is right on the edge of the sea, and from time to time, some of the men leave their table, remove some clothing, and drop into the ocean. After swimming 30 metres or so to the beach, they return through the restaurant a few minutes later, damp and grinning. I can’t think of any restaurant in Australia where that would be a) possible or b) permitted.

On the weekends, El Balneario has live music between 4.30pm and 7pm and we were there on a Saturday by good luck, rather than good design. The band set up at the far end of the terrace, with the restaurant wall at their backs, the sea walls on two sides, and a large, tiled area, cleared of tables for dancing, in front.  The Spanish clapping is an enthralling phenomenon to watch – hands above heads, clapping in short, staccato beats, feet and hips moving in time, men, women, fans, singing, dancing.  It was such a treat to be there in the thick of it. 

Now past 7pm, the crowd calls for an encore.  The band start the familiar melody of ‘I Will Survive’ but the words are all in Spanish. EVERYBODY sings. As it turns out, we don’t know the Spanish lyrics, in fact, apart from ‘At first I was afraid, I was petrified’ and ‘I will survive’ we barely know the lyrics in English. However, we joined in enthusiastically for the ‘La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La Hey Hey’ bit at the end.

Hot, tired, and humming I Will Survive, we catch the number 8 bus back to Malaga centro (1.40 Euro each).

Viva España

#IWillSurvive #Playa #Malaga #Spain #ILoveSpain #Spanishfan